Street parking 101

M'kay folks

Let me share a little tid bid about how you become a street parker in Chicago, IL, USA, Earth

Now first, when I say "street parker" I mean exactly that. One who may park their vehicle on public streets. We are "street parkers", meaning we don't have a drive way. So any time we feel the compulsion to prod our sedan out of the South Chicago arena we are taking the chance that we may not find a parking spot upon return. At which point we begin casing the neighborhood for a slot just large enough to parallel our little bird into. Parallel is a must. There are simply no other options. It could be in front of the building, it could be 3 blocks away. We keep our senses in tune and our eyes peeled for the glow of red lights on a parked car when it's engine ignites, hopefully leading to an exit for them and an entrance for us. This little ritual can take upward of 10 minutes.

Here is a comparison

It's 2 days before Christmas and you have some last minute shopping to complete.

You head to the mall and drive around the parking lot, stalking people with there packages until finally a spot opens up.

Now imagine doing that every day. And lets not forget, it has to be parallel. Not one of those cushy pre-marked basketball court sized parking spaces that will accommodate your Ford Excursion and maybe your Vespa too.

How much you ask? How much money can I pay for such a time wasting daily adventure? Well my friend it is your lucky day. All of the aforementioned excitement can be yours for just $82 dollars per year. What you ask? Money? You have to pay money to park your car?

DARN SKIPPY we do.

Do you want to hear how that little process takes place? Well do ya punks?

It goes something like this. Gather your belongings and your offspring and take a walk down the street to the Currency Exchange. REMEMBER TO BRING ALL OF YOUR VEHICLES PERTINENT INFORMATION. Vin# License Plate# yada yada....

Waiting in line... waiting, waiting. Ever been to the Social Security Office? Yeah, it's kind of like that. Waiting, Waiting. OH DON'T FORGET TO FILL OUT THE FORM WHILE YOU ARE WAITING OR YOU WILL HAVE TO GO TO THE BACK OF THE LINE. Not that that has happened to me or anything.... this year.

Finally, give said form and $82 smackers to the teller man and exit with your sticker. Next you will need to gather some tools. Removal of the old sticker requires an assortment of nick nacks and doo dads from your utility cupboard. Windex, paper towels, utility blade, garbage bag.

Now the hard part comes- TRY AND REMEMBER WHERE IN THIS 6 BLOCK RADIUS DID I LAST LEAVE MY AUTOMOBILE?

After the location presents itself proceed in that direction.

Next you will have to scrape away the old sticker with the utility blade while your baby sits in the stroller on the verge of a breakdown. It can't happen any other way. Must have a baby on the verge of massive break down. If you don't have one you can borrow mine. Once the sticker has been removed you will have to remove the residue of the OH-SO-POWERFUL adhesive these babies cling to your car with. About half a bottle of Windex and a few flesh wounds later you have yourself a bona-fide clear space to stick your new friend to. Now be careful when you remove the sticker from the little protective sheet. Apply to windshield and get on with your day. Now come on,was that so hard? A small price to pay for some good street parking.