Afterbirth

No, I won't be showing you a picture of my

PLACENTA.

But I feel that now is the time to tell you my tale.
You will be glad.

No, it's not the birth story.

You don't want to hear that and I don't want to tell it. 

The story that I am going to unfold to you is what happened after the birth of my sweet Nashy, Nash face, Nash-a-roo.

So there I was.

3:45 am

I had given birth to my second baby boy approximately 14 hours earlier.  I was depleted, famished, exhausted, and finally, finally, asleep.  I had been out for  an hour or so when the night time nurse came bursting through the door with my screaming newborn.  "Time to feed your baby!"

I was ripped from the kind of sleep that you only experience hours after childbirth. The kind when you have exhausted every faculty you possess or when you have a severe case of mononucleosis.

She handed the baby off to me and was out the door quicker than a one legged... well... it was pretty quick. I didn't even have enough time to dislodge my request that she turn on the nightlight.  

I quickly began to nurse the screaming newborn because he was really crying.  In fact, I had never actually heard him cry like that.  Had I?  I mean, he cried when he was born.  It didn't sound like that though. He must be really hungry. Hmmm.

{LATCH}

Wow! My kid is latching like a pro! You would think he was at least of couple of days old with how well he is latching.  And in the dark. Well, I guess we won't have any problems there. Hmmm.

{nursing continues for approximately 40 minutes}

All done.  

I called the nurse to come take him back to the nursery so I could get a little bit more sleep.

She comes in and explains that she is going to keep the baby for a few hours because the doctor wants to run a blood test for his bilirubin. 

"Kay", I said.

"Let me know how it goes".

I start to relax and collapse back into my slumber when the nurse opens the door.  "Well that was quick", I thought.  The nurse had a very serious, almost ill look about her.  

She started reading Nash's I.D. Number to compare it with mine (which she had neglected to do an hour earlier).

"yep, that's it", I said.

"Oh, I have made a terrible mistake", she said.

"You fed the wrong baby. I brought you the wrong baby before."

Um.....

The story goes on to include blood tests for rare diseases, crying nurses, multiple apologies, ya know, the typical protocol when someone breast-feeds a complete strangers baby.  I being the "someone".

I had to deal with my own series of emotions on this matter.

Number one: humiliation.  Don't I know what my own child looks like? No, apparently not. Especially when they are all wrapped in the same blanket with the same hat on and I am so disoriented I couldn't have even spelled my name correctly. 

I am over the embarrassment now. It wasn't my fault.

The other mother was understandably livid.

I told the nurses to tell her to come in a meet me if she wanted. 

Oh, if she only knew that her baby will probably have super powers that her other children will never possess.  Years from now they will discover it was my precious colostrum that fertilized his astounding intellect and his strikingly hansom features. In fact, I think she owes me a "thank you" card.

 Kenny said it would make a good comic book story.  

*In case you are wondering, Nash was not flung carelessly into the arms of another woman.

And finally, a picture of my two boys making the same face right after they were born.